[7] How to have difficult conversations

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How do you feel about conflict?  Do you welcome “tricky” moments as opportunities for differences to be aired and for creative solutions to emerge?  Or do you do anything to avoid discussions that might get heated, focussing on pouring oil on troubled waters?  Or maybe you’re the boss and you feel it’s perfectly fine to tell people in no uncertain terms what should be done?

Most people admit to finding conflict and disagreement hard to handle.  And it is because our fight or flight responses are triggered in these moments.  Except, as the experienced CEO and leadership thinker, Margaret Heffernan says, “conflict equals real thinking”.  So many organisations, teams and managers try to avoid conflict, preferring avoidance to transparency, thus losing valuable opportunities for real thinking.

This episode is for you if you are a perennial People Pleaser or you are the kind of person who describes yourself as “a wear your heart on your sleeve, say it as it is” kind of person.  If you’ve ever uttered the words “bloody millennials” this is especially for you.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is your natural response to something you are unhappy with?  (03.55)
• The Emotional Thermostat – a model for understanding conflict (5.39)
• What happens in our bodies during conflict (07.23)
• What excessive collaboration looks like (09.30)
• Why excessive collaboration is toxic (10.24)
• What excessive conviction looks like (12.15)
• Our parents provide our conflict template (15.05)
• What the constructive zone looks and feels like (16.30)
• The special triggers for conflict between managers and millennials (20.44)
• The impact of lack of constructive conflict in organisations (22.42)
• An example of managing conflict with a millennial (23.47)
• How to welcome difference in a meeting (27.47)